Be at Rest

I have struggled for many months now, actually years with a situation that I have been placed in without my consent. We would like to believe that we have the control over what happens in our lives, but we do not. Being a Christian, I do believe that God is in control, but also being human, I believe that I would like to have a say so as to what happens to me in my life. I have found only one truth in the above; that God is in control.

My struggle began a couple of years ago and I honestly have struggled. The details of the trial would only bore you, but how I let it affect me is what I want to share. I do not believe that in my soon to be fifty years on this earth that I have ever cried and whined as much, been as angry or hurt as I have in the last three years. I have cried out to God for rest and comfort and have on occasion felt like He answered my pleas, but deep down I felt alone and abandoned.

How can someone who has served the Lord for thirty seven years, taught, studied and obliged each and every task set before them feel alone and abandoned by God? It is very simple. We are selfish. Not that we don't have a right to care for ourselves, treat ourselves and pat ourselves on the back once in a while, but we are selfish in that we don't want to have to tackle the hard things in life. We would be happy just humming praise songs and hymns while walking with God with no potholes or speedbumps to slow us down. Those are the times when life is easy and it is easy to praise God. When we hit the difficult times, those are the times when we have to look for God's goodness and gifts. We put up a wall that tells us nothing good can happen to us and that God isn't with us. God hasn't left us, it is just our perception.

My husband and I joked that we would legally change our names to Job and Jobette Murphy. We expect bad things to happen to us so that when something good happens, we are genuinely surprised. However, when we do that, we are not expecting God to do good things for us either. God can work miracles, small or large through the bad things and all good things are miracles from God so it is a "win-win" situation.

What I have learned is that I expected and accepted the bad. I doubted that God had any "good" for me. Even though the current events of my life are not as I would have chosen, I do know that I finally have peace and more importantly, rest in my soul. I am not conflicted as to "why" these things have happened to me, but I know that God has a purpose in everything and that He has been good to me.

Everyday is a blessing from God. The food that I eat, the clothes that I wear, the bed that I sleep upon and the people that I meet are all blessings. Whether they were anticipated or expected blessings, or a tasty little morsel that God had hidden for me to find, they are all blessings. I will no longer wake up each morning and play "Jobette" saying, "Oh woe is me! Lord I love you and have served you why do you put this upon me?" I will wake up as the Psalmist and say "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." Psalm 117:7